Being Understood

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "To be great is to be misunderstood."  I once had a boy tell me this quote we'd heard in honors English described me.  We were in 10th grade.  I'll never forget the hallway where we stood, the blue lockers to my right.  He was tall, well-liked by everyone.  His father was a prominent businessman in town, and I was the third daughter of a single mother, never in fashion, attempting to strike out on my own as a non-conformist.  It was the first time anyone from the popular crowd gave me credit for being more than a big clumsy girl.

Today I ponder that statement from Emerson (a philosopher whose writings I respect) and see things quite differently.  To be great is to love yourself while being misunderstood.  What a challenge for me.  My biggest angst is wanting someone to understand me.  It's always been that way.  I yearn for someone to see that I have fears and hopes and philosophical musings while being brave, dramatic, hilarious, and a child in a big woman's body.  My husband sees all these things, but he is not much for words.  He will never articulate his appreciation for my complexity.  I want that.  I want words.  I want praise and affirmation.  I want to KNOW I am understood.
 
As a Christian and junior Mystic, I know there are words waiting for me.  I believe in the Cosmic Christ who is all and in all.  He woos me with poetry, music, and nature.  He sees my layers of being and embraces each one.  He knows me because He MADE me this way.  Of course I can be satisfied in this understanding of being understood.  But just once I would love to stand across from someone in the grocery store and look at them without fear.  We would see each other entirely.  We would see the soul in one another.  We would laugh and be amazed.  We would bow before one another saying, "I know you; I understand you" and walk away in silence.

I yearn to be understood.  But I will attempt to understand others, and make that my goal.